Parulogy

Rows, half empty, of wishers well followed me with emotional eyes
and held their breath, all as one, waiting for a verdict, wanting to know.

I took my position, for a moment missing the security of invisibility,
where once I had been sitting, then for the next brief believing

I needed, though there was none, a podium to hide behind.  But one
continues, as I suppose one must, and in this frame I cleared my throat

and started, cued by the piano of my heart and an andante pace of mind,
to sing:

She never knew how to whisper...

And hearing myself now, too, neither did I.

Without giving herself away,
or how to make people listen
when she had something to say
She never kept any mysteries
that might have made me stay
and draw close to her.
We grew apart until I barely knew her.

I want so much to whisper this, to make them strain to understand
and hear beyond pity.  Listen.  Pause...  (listen)...

She never left an impression
in a confidential tone
or tendered any emotions
that were meant for one alone.
We never had conversations
where she let me be the only
one to hear her,
but here I was, the person standing near her.

As I was today, though all these stony faces would contest.
No I do not whisper, and though your eyes mutter back
with hard cast sentiment, a numbness prevails in mine,
from all those stand-by years...

I used to love the way she wore
her passions on her sleeve
and how she spoke her mind
and bared her soul,
but lately I’ve been missing
what was never there to see
and waiting for her secrets to be told.

Look at me, and how I’ve held myself thus far, pretending my tears
and shedding my pain.  But look at her, lying there: this is about her, not me.

She never knew how to whisper...

...and I stop now, for a maybe moment, as at the beginning,
longing again for the security of cover.  I want so much
to scream elaboration, a poem to remember if not words
to understand.  But in the end, and so on, I’d just like them to listen.

I never thought I would miss her
unreserved verbosity
or how she held her position
with such acrimony.  She
was never able to whisper
but she freely showed her feelings
if you let her.
But I let her leave, and still I can’t forget her.